This is going to be a very lengthy, confused, and personal post. It’s mostly going to be me talking to myself trying to clarify my thoughts because nothing helps me more than writing things down. Usually I would put this kind of stuff on my private blog that only certain people can see, but I’ve decided that I shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed of things I feel. It’s not my concern if how I feel changes anyone’s view of me because the only people I want around are the ones who take me for my good and bad. Today has been hard on me for no apparent reason. I think what triggered it was waking up from dreaming about negative things. I’ve been in school for three straight years now. I still have no interest and no motivation to do anything school related. You might be thinking, “Well, that’s every college student.” I’m literally going to school for something that I don’t even want after I graduate. A job in advertising does not sound like something I want to do, let alone for the rest of my life. And it’s not only advertising. Nothing that I can go to school for excites me. Nothing I can go to school for is something I want to be doing the rest of my life. I want to do something that I have a passion for. I want work not to feel like work. I want to love what I do. I want to never regret my job choice. I want to make enough money to be happy with. Most of all I want something that makes ME happy. My whole life I have done things for other people and to be honest it is wearing me down. I’ve always been so concerned how other people feel about me and I really don’t know why. My parents especially. My parents want a good future for me and I understand that. They’ve invested so much money in my education, just for me to not care about it and waste their money essentially. They’ve even started paying my rent and utilities so that I can focus on school. I’ve been telling them that I am doing better in school, and I was, but I’ve lost it again. I’m tired of siking myself into thinking that I want to do this. The one thing I’ve truly loved and excelled at my entire life is art. Everyone praises me for it, including my parents. It makes me feel great and is something I have always had a passion for and always will. I want to pursue being a tattoo artist. I think with time, effort, and a lot of practice I would be really great. My parents are completely against tattoos. They down talk tattoos and people who have them all the time. If I told them I wanted to drop college after three years to become a tattoo artist… I don’t even know what they would do. It is what I want to do and I can’t even get it in my own head that you are supposed to do what will make you happy and not go for a career because it will make someone else happy. That literally makes no sense and I just can’t get a grip on it still. Being a tattoo artist would be amazing. The guy who did my sister’s tattoo is an amazinggggggg artist and he charges $100 an hour. He says he usually does two to three tattoos a day for three hours, five days a week. So let’s say on average he makes $750 a day.. That’s $3,750 a week, $15,000 a month. That’s $165,000 a year including a month off for vacation. AND THIS IS ALL BEFORE TIPS. Usually people tip 15% on tattoos. Plus, he gets paid to do art projects for different businesses on the side. I OBVIOUSLY would be no where near this good when I first start out but I think I could work up to it years down the road in my career. I wouldn’t have insurance but I can always buy my own insurance. So, anyway, my dilemmas of the day are 1, is this really what I want to do? 2, would it be worth dropping three years of college for? 3, how would I ever tell my parents?
I love tumblr, it’s like a big hug from someone saying “hey those thoughts in your head aren’t irrational, there are people like you, that think like you and want the same things as you and you shouldn’t be ashamed to feel this way”
“The decision to be positive is not one that disregards or belittles the sadness that exists. It is rather a conscious choice to focus on the good and to cultivate happiness—genuine happiness. Happiness is not a limited resource. And when we devote our energy and time to trivial matters, and choose to stress over things that ultimately are insignificant. From that point, we perpetuate our own sadness, and we lose sight of the things that really make us happy and rationalize our way out of doing amazing things.”
the worst thing you can say to someone is ‘you’re too sensitive’ because that’s basically saying ‘you feel things more deeply and fully than i do and this inconveniences me because now i have to be more mindful of my own actions’
you’re not too sensitive, the world is just callous and stubborn. sensitivity doesn’t make you weak and callousness doesn’t make you strong.
- my family: skinny people are gross.
- my family: fat people are gross
- my family: self harm-ers are gross
- my family: suicide is gross
- my family: mental illnesses are gross
- my family: homosexuals are gross
- my family: oh, but we won't judge you. you can tell us anything.
- me: lol no i'm fine thanks.
“People of all sexes have the right to explore femininity, masculinity—and the infinite variations between—without criticism or ridicule.”